Monday, February 28, 2005
Fucking Idiots!
So I was sitting down the other day with no particular objective other than to kill a few hours of my life. I decided to sit down and check out what random crap was spewing from the television. I went to the TV guide channel to see if there was anything worthy for me to waste my youth on and than it hit me...The preview channel wasn't running previews!What the fuck people. The TV guide channel is not an actual channel, it’s a place for me to go and see what’s going on in the world, not watch third rate coverage of the Oscars!First of all, the Oscars don't mean a goddamn thing, who the hell do they think cares about this shit.Second, Joan and Melissa Rivers are not cool, and they never have been cool...EVER! If I had to chose between listening to a Simple Plan song or a 2 minutes of Joan and Melissa's mindless rambling, I would actually chose the Simple Plan song...and they suck A LOT of ass.Here is an email I have sent to the TV guide channel to make my feelings clear:Dear TV Guide Channel,Give it up you dumb asses! There's nothing so interesting on TV that you should take away from your main purpose (previews) in order to inconvenience, confuse, annoy and irritate people who just want to know what’s on TV!I hope you all fail, and somebody who isn't retarded takes over your station!-All the best, Cornrollaps: fuck you guys!I remember, long ago, when all the preview channel did was previews. They played commercials at the top (which I can forgive) and what’s on TV at the bottom. It was simple, easy, and helpful to everyone.Then TV Guide took over. It wasn't too bad. They played what I needed, and just ran dumb ass features in between commercials, which I could tune out.Then saggy-titted Joan and talentless coat-rider Melissa showed up and that’s when shit went crazy!They sucked the life out of the channel like two ugly vampires and replaced the time honored tradition of telling me what the fuck is on TV with random, unfunny, and boring crap. It's like Brian took over the damn channel.In conclusion, if I ever get any money, the first thing I'm going to do is make a competing TV preview channel, and just PLAY FUCKING PREVIEWS! When the owners of the TV guide channel go out of business and become homeless, I'm going to invite them to my mansion for dinner, then tie them up and beat them with shovels, and just before their bloodied and twisted bodies shove off this mortal coil, I'm going to whip it out and piss all over them for their stupid-ass mutation upon the excellent idea of a preview channel!!!I'm so angry right now I could kill a man ... or study.~peace out~
posted by Dan # 7:46 PM 2 comments