Wednesday, January 12, 2005
Dan 101
I've recently gone to court again for my own blinding stupidity and decided its time to pass on my wisdom to all of ya'll. Pay attention. In fact, you should print this out and read it everyday so you can avoid paying $550 to the government, especially when you don't have it. Okay, is everyone listening, there WILL be a quiz!Chapter One: How Pumpkins Relate to LarcenyDon't smash pumpkins. Please for the love of god, no matter what you do. It's not that cool and can result in fines of $250. If you add on the cost of courts, thats an extra $50 you have to pay for a grand total of $300. Don't do it for any reason.If you HAVE to smash a pumkin, make sure its at night and the owners are asleep, not looking through the windows writing down the lisence place of the vehicle you're with.As a good rule of thumb and/or wrist don't do it. Even if you think the prettty girl will respect you more, don't and always remember: Just because you have someone's attention does NOT mean you have their respect.Chapter Two: Beer + Country Roads= Not GoodThe fine for a first offense MIP is $175. If they find beer cans around, they can stick you with littering, which is $25. With courstcost, you're sitting on a keg of dynamite which will blow $250 right out of your checking account.Genarally don't go to the country at all. If you have to go, make sure you have no beer, especially if you're in Lancaster County. There's a lot of Sheriffs out there who wouldn't mind making you feel like an ass. If you do find yourself drinking on a backroad, be sure you can put the beer in a place that won't give them probable cause. Put it in the trunk or under a blanket, not sitting out on the back seat, flopping like a huge dong in the wind.Also, if somebody is an obvious looser who without any smoothness and he tells you to come along say no to him, it will end poorly.Quiz Time, Bitches!Take this quiz, if you fail it and I find out I will cut off your balls so your idiocy cannot be passed on.1- Drinking on country roads is a good idea T/F2- Trust people who are stupider than you T/F3- The fine for MIP in Lancaster Couunnty is $300 T/F4- The fine for Larcany is $175 T/F5- Don't do the following:A- Kill TouchnerB- MasterbateC- Kill TousnerD- Drink on country roads and smashpumpkinsClosing:all though I'm sure that it seems to many of you that I lead a glamourous life, the fact of the matter is, I've actually wasted it. There's not a lot I can teach the world, but everything I can is contained in this posting.
posted by Dan # 10:26 PM 3 comments
Dan 101
I've recently gone to court again for my own blinding stupidity and decided its time to pass on my wisdom to all of ya'll. Pay attention. In fact, you should print this out and read it everyday so you can avoid paying $550 to the government, especially when you don't have it. Okay, is everyone listening, there WILL be a quiz!Chapter One: How Pumpkins Relate to LarcenyDon't smash pumpkins. Please for the love of god, no matter what you do. It's not that cool and can result in fines of $250. If you add on the cost of courts, thats an extra $50 you have to pay for a grand total of $300. Don't do it for any reason.If you HAVE to smash a pumkin, make sure its at night and the owners are asleep, not looking through the windows writing down the lisence place of the vehicle you're with.As a good rule of thumb and/or wrist don't do it. Even if you think the prettty girl will respect you more, don't and always remember: Just because you have someone's attention does NOT mean you have their respect.Chapter Two: Beer + Country Roads= Not GoodThe fine for a first offense MIP is $175. If they find beer cans around, they can stick you with littering, which is $25. With courstcost, you're sitting on a keg of dynamite which will blow $250 right out of your checking account.Genarally don't go to the country at all. If you have to go, make sure you have no beer, especially if you're in Lancaster County. There's a lot of Sheriffs out there who wouldn't mind making you feel like an ass. If you do find yourself drinking on a backroad, be sure you can put the beer in a place that won't give them probable cause. Put it in the trunk or under a blanket, not sitting out on the back seat, flopping like a huge dong in the wind.Also, if somebody is an obvious looser who without any smoothness and he tells you to come along say no to him, it will end poorly.Quiz Time, Bitches!Take this quiz, if you fail it and I find out I will cut off your balls so your idiocy cannot be passed on.1- Drinking on country roads is a good idea T/F2- Trust people who are stupider than you T/F3- The fine for MIP in Lancaster Couunnty is $300 T/F4- The fine for Larcany is $175 T/F5- Don't do the following:A- Kill TouchnerB- MasterbateC- Kill TousnerD- Drink on country roads and smashpumpkinsClosing:all though I'm sure that it seems to many of you that I lead a glamourous life, the fact of the matter is, I've actually wasted it. There's not a lot I can teach the world, but everything I can is contained in this posting.
posted by Dan # 10:26 PM 3 comments
posted by Dan at
3:23 PM
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