Friday, July 15, 2005
Reflextions
I havn't slept in twenty four hours, so I'm not sure if this will sound good, but I'm going to give it a try.I left my ex-girlfriend's apartment this morning. I thought it would be nice to get the campus under my feet again. This city only talks to me when I'm on her streets. This city only listens to me when I'm on her streets.I've learned a lot from this town. I've also forgotten a lot in this town.There aren't very many people who can pick up her vibrations and speak her subtle languages. So amny people come together and yet we all feel so alone. Worlds surrounding worlds and ignoring each other completely.It's a fucked up world.I can say I've never felt as connected to a place as I am to this one. I can't imagine leaving her right now but part of me wants to anyways. I know my problems in life stem from not knowing what I believe. I also know I can't find what I believe here.I can't believe it's been a year since she moved in. It didn't seem that long.I need to rest my body. Long nights of caffiene and cigarettes have torn me up inside. I need a month to rebuild my strength and regain some semblance of sanity in my consistantly more complicated life. I need a month to remember what's important. I need a month to review everything that has happened so far. I need a month of retrospect unfettered by the demands of work.Life doesn't work that way. So I shall continue on.Towards what? I wish I could say. Why? Same answer. Is there really any point to this? Is there no point and that's the point? Are we our own gods or dust in the wind? These answers come in time I'm told, but this information would be most useful now.Today I leave behind the last monument to my sophomore year of college.I wish I could count the hours I've spent at that apartment. I wish I could count how much alcohol and nicotine I forced my body to endure there. I wish I could quantify the good times I had there. I wish I could match them up against the bad times.I never thought this day would come. I thuoght I was going to live at her place forever.Now that the day is here, I'm not sure how I should be reacting. I'm overwhelmed by the desire to flea. To say good-riddance to the memories that haunt me at that place. To bid good-bye to everything that ever happened there and begin a new life as a tenant.Just the same, I can't forget that place.I can't leave behind things that reside with in me. I'll always remember the parties and lounging. The kisses and hugs. The laughter and happiness. The tears and shudders. Things that combined to make a place home, and things that leave to make a home a place.I am so sorry to all my readers.The two people that read this must hate me now. I'm so worn out and spent that I can barely form coherant sentances. Today I strat a whole new life, and I can't even form a decent narrative to explain it to people.I am the worst writer ever.
posted by Dan # 6:35 AM 2 comments
Reflextions
I havn't slept in twenty four hours, so I'm not sure if this will sound good, but I'm going to give it a try.I left my ex-girlfriend's apartment this morning. I thought it would be nice to get the campus under my feet again. This city only talks to me when I'm on her streets. This city only listens to me when I'm on her streets.I've learned a lot from this town. I've also forgotten a lot in this town.There aren't very many people who can pick up her vibrations and speak her subtle languages. So amny people come together and yet we all feel so alone. Worlds surrounding worlds and ignoring each other completely.It's a fucked up world.I can say I've never felt as connected to a place as I am to this one. I can't imagine leaving her right now but part of me wants to anyways. I know my problems in life stem from not knowing what I believe. I also know I can't find what I believe here.I can't believe it's been a year since she moved in. It didn't seem that long.I need to rest my body. Long nights of caffiene and cigarettes have torn me up inside. I need a month to rebuild my strength and regain some semblance of sanity in my consistantly more complicated life. I need a month to remember what's important. I need a month to review everything that has happened so far. I need a month of retrospect unfettered by the demands of work.Life doesn't work that way. So I shall continue on.Towards what? I wish I could say. Why? Same answer. Is there really any point to this? Is there no point and that's the point? Are we our own gods or dust in the wind? These answers come in time I'm told, but this information would be most useful now.Today I leave behind the last monument to my sophomore year of college.I wish I could count the hours I've spent at that apartment. I wish I could count how much alcohol and nicotine I forced my body to endure there. I wish I could quantify the good times I had there. I wish I could match them up against the bad times.I never thought this day would come. I thuoght I was going to live at her place forever.Now that the day is here, I'm not sure how I should be reacting. I'm overwhelmed by the desire to flea. To say good-riddance to the memories that haunt me at that place. To bid good-bye to everything that ever happened there and begin a new life as a tenant.Just the same, I can't forget that place.I can't leave behind things that reside with in me. I'll always remember the parties and lounging. The kisses and hugs. The laughter and happiness. The tears and shudders. Things that combined to make a place home, and things that leave to make a home a place.I am so sorry to all my readers.The two people that read this must hate me now. I'm so worn out and spent that I can barely form coherant sentances. Today I strat a whole new life, and I can't even form a decent narrative to explain it to people.I am the worst writer ever.
posted by Dan # 6:35 AM 2 comments
posted by Dan at
3:39 PM
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