Friday, March 18, 2005
Evolution: "How It Could Have Been" tightened and expanded version
I know it’s my fault. I was free to say no. At anytime the words “I’d rather not” could have escaped my lips.My gut told me no. It screamed it loudly. I don't know why I didn't listen to my instincts but I did and now I’m paying the price.It’s amazing how the course of time can be influenced by a single moment. Had I said no I’d have two hundred and fifty more dollars to my name. I wouldn’t be hungry, I could have bought batteries for my camera, I wouldn’t be as bitter.I don't know why I did it. I don't know why I caved in. Maybe it was pity for that fat pile, maybe it was boredom, maybe I just wanted to relive old times.My path had been configured; turn off my phone claim ignorance later...Unfortunately, fate had a plan of her own, a much more intricate plan that I couldn't even hope to compete with.I was walking towards my room, satisfied that I wouldn't speak to him. I was over confident and self-loathing at the same time and now I’m dealing with the repercussions.The timing couldn't have been better or the circumstances more coincidental. We met casually on a corner. We were walking the perfect route for an intersection of our lives that would result in a stain I can't remove...Had I left 5 minutes earlier or five minutes later, had been in my room or getting a meal this whole mess could have been avoided, but I was exactly where I needed to be to piss away two hundred and fifty dollars.The second I was within I earshot, I leapt into action. Falling back on the patronizing attitude typical of the time we spent together. I acted as if we had been friends for years, then the moment of truth arose."Wanna go drink?"The words will echo in my mind forever.You all know how this ends. I owe $250 to the government and lost all respect for him that day. I tried to hang with him since that day in December, but it isn’t the same. The relationship has died. Replaced with a memory of a mediocre relationship mixed with hatred is all that remains between us.Now when I hear his voice I want to stab him. I want him to leave me alone. He calls me and I refuse to answer. He is dead to me.I shouldn’t blame him, it’s 100% my fault, but all I can see when I look at him now is a winy imbecile who took me down a bad road.
posted by Dan # 1:06 AM 1 comments
Evolution: "How It Could Have Been" tightened and expanded version
I know it’s my fault. I was free to say no. At anytime the words “I’d rather not” could have escaped my lips.My gut told me no. It screamed it loudly. I don't know why I didn't listen to my instincts but I did and now I’m paying the price.It’s amazing how the course of time can be influenced by a single moment. Had I said no I’d have two hundred and fifty more dollars to my name. I wouldn’t be hungry, I could have bought batteries for my camera, I wouldn’t be as bitter.I don't know why I did it. I don't know why I caved in. Maybe it was pity for that fat pile, maybe it was boredom, maybe I just wanted to relive old times.My path had been configured; turn off my phone claim ignorance later...Unfortunately, fate had a plan of her own, a much more intricate plan that I couldn't even hope to compete with.I was walking towards my room, satisfied that I wouldn't speak to him. I was over confident and self-loathing at the same time and now I’m dealing with the repercussions.The timing couldn't have been better or the circumstances more coincidental. We met casually on a corner. We were walking the perfect route for an intersection of our lives that would result in a stain I can't remove...Had I left 5 minutes earlier or five minutes later, had been in my room or getting a meal this whole mess could have been avoided, but I was exactly where I needed to be to piss away two hundred and fifty dollars.The second I was within I earshot, I leapt into action. Falling back on the patronizing attitude typical of the time we spent together. I acted as if we had been friends for years, then the moment of truth arose."Wanna go drink?"The words will echo in my mind forever.You all know how this ends. I owe $250 to the government and lost all respect for him that day. I tried to hang with him since that day in December, but it isn’t the same. The relationship has died. Replaced with a memory of a mediocre relationship mixed with hatred is all that remains between us.Now when I hear his voice I want to stab him. I want him to leave me alone. He calls me and I refuse to answer. He is dead to me.I shouldn’t blame him, it’s 100% my fault, but all I can see when I look at him now is a winy imbecile who took me down a bad road.
posted by Dan # 1:06 AM 1 comments
posted by Dan at
3:29 PM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]
<< Home