Brian

I just finished talking to Brian Nogowski for the last time of my life. It feels good to have some closure. I'm glad to know that there is no possible recessitation of our long-dead friendship, but I can't help but laugh when I realize that Brian is one of the most influencial people in my life.

It's not because he was smart. On the contrary, he was fairly unintelagent. He mostly repeated things he read on right wing websites and yell them so loudly that you would forfeit an argument just to shut him up. It wasn't beause he worked hard, because anyone who knows the story knows he spent the last semester of his college life in his dorm alone. It's not because he has a great future, because he just got his first job in over a year. It's because he was a shining example of how a person should not live.

I remember when I first befriended him. I remember all the layers of lies and bullshit I had to cut through in order to see the true him. It took almost a year to do it, but I did it. I actually saw him cry one night. I thought he could be a life ling ally, and a source of comfort when I would need it the most.

Then things began to deteriorate. One stupid remark about caffiene addiction to the wrong person. One stupid incident of sitting in front of that person's door with a knife for half an hour and before I knew it I had no respect for him.

Then he cut class. Then, he cut more class. Then, he stopped going to class. He sat around in his room and felt bad for himself and as a result lost what little conversational ability he had.

The next semester was worse. He didn't leave his room. Not once. He didn't go anywhere except his parents house in Omaha. He didn't contact anyone or make any attempts to....(more coming)